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Lessons From Mother

by Frank Gerace

A humorous look at mother's advice. Mothers are the same all over.

TWENTY FIVE OF MY MOTHER'S LESSONS
She taught me the following:


A JOB WELL DONE
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

PIETY
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

SPACE TRAVEL
'If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

DEMOCRACY
'Because I said so, that's why.'

LOGIC
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,you're not going to the store with me.'

CULTURAL NORMS
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

COMPASSION
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

MAGIC TRICKS
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

CONTORTIONISM
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

ENDURANCE
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

WEATHER
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

CLARITY
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times… Don't exaggerate!'

BASIC REALITIES
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

PSYCHOLOGY
'Stop acting like your father!'

ENVY
'There are millions of children in this world who don't have parents like you do.'

FORESIGHT
'Just wait until we get home.'

GRATITUDE
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

OPHTHAMOLOGY
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

ESP
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

MATERNAL CONCERN
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

FAMILY HISTORY
'You're just like your father.'

OUR BACKGROUND
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

UNDERSTANDING
'When you get to be my age, you'll know what I mean.'


And my favorite: JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

RELIGION
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

MAGIC TRICKS
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

OUR BACKGROUND
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

ENVY
'There are millions of children in this world who don't have parents like you do.'

GENETICS
'You're just like your father.'

BASIC REALITIES
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

TIME TRAVEL
'If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'


And the best: REVENGE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!