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Are You Listening?

by C L Hanna

Listening is an art which requires practice

Not everyone is interested in your opinion. In fact, few people spend time actually listening to another's point of view. They may look as though they are listening, but most of the time their own brain is working on what to say next -once you've paused to take a breath.

The fact is, listening is an art. We aren't born listeners,
as any one who has ever had children can tell you. Listening must be developed and to develop anything, it must first be instilled. If we want someone to listen to us, we must first be a good listener.

Parents are very busy these days. Most work outside the home and after listening all day to other people talking to them and at them, they may not be doing the best job of listening to their own children. Some will give it a good try, bless their hearts, and they deserve an A for effort. Still, how much they are actually able to absorb is often questionable.

Listening to our children - really listening - and hearing what they are saying takes time, patience, effort and yes, practice. However, if willing to hone this craft, chances are we will become better at it. As those listening skills are improved upon, our children will begin to learn the art from us and soon listening will have been instilled in them as an invaluable tool for education, career, relationships and even their own family, one day.

The next time you find yourself engaged in conversation, ask yourself if you are truly listening to what is being said. *Hint: If you are doing most of the talking, you probably are not doing much listening.

You may be very good at telling others what you think, but how good are you at allowing others to tell what they think? It really does matter because people are usually more willing to hear from you when they feel that you have heard from them. But the real benefits of listening go far beyond the 'ears' you may gain by perfecting the art.

Learning is one result of good listening skills. By listening we may find out what really makes another person 'tick', which usually makes for better, stronger relationships. Understanding can often be gained by listening. Questions may be answered and explanations given, which would not have been discovered by any other means in as short a period of time.

In this day and age of information overload, the art of listening may just be the one source of learning which remains superior above all others. Why? Because when two people exchange ideas, they are also exchanging a part of themselves. You won't get that kind of interaction from an INTERNET file, text message, or fax. One human being expressing themselves to another involves heart and soul. You can 'hear' more than is being verbalized when you are looking into another's eyes or observing their body language. Often, their tone or degree of voice control will speak volumes about how they really feel - what they are really saying.

The written word, while wonderful, can not relay emotion and intent quite as well. Misunderstanding among people is always at greater risk when the words being shared are sitting, lifeless, on a page. Interpretation is often left to chance when there is no one uttering the words. Yet, when one of us is speaking and another is listening, then one heart is expressing itself as another soul hears it's meaning.

Take the opportunity to talk with your children, not just to your children. If your point of view is to be heard, you must be willing to listen to their's. Of course, you do not have to agree, but they - just like your peers - are more likely to accept a point of view and reflect upon it when they feel they have also been heard.

We know that conversation is a two way form of communication which involves speaking and listening. Perhaps what we don't always realize is that those who listen well, usually benefit from much better hearing.


C.L. Hanna