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When men lose their jobs and have to spend a good bit of time at home, what goes on in their heads? This article might give you some insight into someone you know. I've often heard women who have raised children in the home lamenting the fact that they feel empty, especially after the kids are raised and out of the house. Many a marriage has been tested when the woman decides she wants more than daytime soaps and cooking dinner.
Things change and certainly for many unemployed men, this couldn't be more true. When I was laid off my Pre-Sales Engineering position, I was certain that a new job was just around the corner. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Most men are creatures of habit. We sit in the same places when possible and get grumpy when we find someone else in "our place." In restaurants, we like to be able to "see" the room. At a young age, most of us have accepted the fact that for at least 30 years, we'll be getting up at the crack of dawn, leaving for work, and coming home in the evening to do whatever. We understand that this is our place - it always has been and we thought it always would be. Not so.
For the first few months after my layoff, I sat at my computer looking for a job for four to six hours a day. I did little else other than yard work. Months later, when nothing changed, I realized that my new job was that of taking care of the house and basically taking over the chores. My wife works, so her job is outside of the home, and now mine is inside. I'd like to say that I just woke up one day and accepted my new role and all was well with the world, but it didn't happen that way.
There have been some difficult choices of late. Some, I've grown accustomed to, but even at age 30, there are some things that I'm still not comfortable with and I suspect plague many men in my situation.
There are days when I am so depressed that I don't even want to get out of bed, let alone exercise and clean the floors. Other days, I clean the house and rake the yard like some whirling dervish that just can't get enough. Both are methods of coping with the stress that comes with my new responsibilities.
Because I'm in school full time and maintaining the house, I'm not working. The problem with that is that I can't go out and just buy something whenever the need hits me like I used to be able to do. Now if I need to go to the grocery store, I have to forge my wife's name on the credit card receipt because I've only enough cash in my account for gas. That's a big "ouch." Women will never understand the humiliation a guy feels when his wife whips out a $20 to pay for the movie tickets, or when the waiter hands me the check and I pick it up only long enough for him or her to leave so I can hand it to my wife to pay. I can only wonder what they think when they come back with her card and hand it to her to sign the receipt.
I should be thankful I suppose, that we don't have any kids. I would probably be out of my head then. Maybe I would cope. Maybe that's the next step in man's evolution - the acceptance and even desire to perform those tasks traditionally seen as women's. Women have certainly had no problem leaving the home and performing in the traditional man's world. Perhaps the next step is for the men to leave the office and start performing the duties that we have always insisted were suited only for the women. It's not like most of today's high-paying jobs involve physical labor, so men's muscles aren't needed as much. Most office jobs rely instead on brain power; something women aren't short of.
The biggest challenge for men will be setting aside our desire to dominate, our need to excel and be recognized for our accomplishments, because let's be honest, raising children and keeping a clean house has rarely earned national recognition. And that's the problem. Men have a competitive drive to be the best. Rarely are we really happy doing a mediocre job where someone else gets all the credit. We want to be the one with the big idea, the one who comes through and saves the day. Few men would consider finding five dollars worth of coupon savings a worthwhile challenge.
It's not going to be as easy for men to change as it has been for women. Even in the home, women have used their mind and body to keep things running smoothly - to outwit cunning children who don't want to eat. For older women, the transition to the workplace was as simple as putting on a business suit. For today's young, educated ladies, it's expected that they will get out of college and head directly for the workplace.
But what about men, young and old, who started out working and now find themselves married, and without a job? To make that transition from the public eye to the often thankless, and to them, unrewarding job of maintaining a home, it's going to require a complete mindset change. This is something that won't come naturally. We haven't had 30 years to transition like women did - instead, try two or three years for most men.
Could this be the next step towards a gender-neutral evolution of our species? Children coming up in the world will see it as a natural thing and won't be confused about the changing roles. For those of us living the change though, how long will it take before we are comfortable with it? For people like myself, brought up with "old school" values, maybe never.
At least being in school gives me a purpose. I guess that's all women have ever really wanted. I do see an end in sight, a change for the better. In a couple of years when I'm working again, I'll probably come to view my wife and me as back on equal footing. For now though, I still sometimes feel like less of a man. Call me foolish, call me stubborn even, I can't help it. It's who I am. I'm not sure I can change that.
About the Author
Chris Souther is a Technical / Freelance Writer & Trainer in Atlanta, GA. His freelance articles cover a wide variety of topics. See his most current E-book on Job Hunting at: Http://Learn.To/GetaJobOnline