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Give Time, Not Toys

by Joyce Moseley Pierce

Too often we focus on what we can buy our kids, when all they really want is your time and attention.

I've always jokingly referred to my daughter's house
as an annex to Toys 'R Us because her kids have thousands
of dollars worth of toys and games to choose from.
They have a pool, a swing set, and now a hot tub.
There's plenty to do to keep a child entertained.

At our place, we don't keep much here for them to play
with. There's a reason for that. When they come over,
I want to create memories by playing with them - not
just giving them things to do. The things I do have
include beads, blocks, pipe cleaners and yarn. By not
giving them anything with set directions, they can
use their imaginations and create whatever they
want with these simple items that can be purchased
at the dollar store or craft store.

The kids are three and six, and some of their
favorite things to play don't require anything
at all except another person! Their favorites
include hide and seek, or the "monster game," which
means that they hide under the covers, and we
pretend we're trying to pull them off the bed.
One holds on to the other to try to save them
from the monster. They think it's the best
game in the world, but what I like about it is
watching them protect each other against the
monster.

They also love light sticks. Go into a dark room
and break open the light sticks and they can
sword fight with each other until the lights
burn out. We'll connect them into small circles
and then play ring toss, bringing the vertical paper
towel holder in from the kitchen to catch the rings.
They'll make belts and bracelets and like to watch the
lights reflected in the mirror as they jump around.
We find these light sticks at the dollar store and
buy 10 or 12 packages at a time!

The latest entertainment involved using two strands
of red beads that are meant to be draped around
the Christmas tree. They each wanted a bowl to
put their strand in. I had no idea what they had
in mind, but gave it to them and stood back to see what
they were going to do. Next, they wanted spoons, and
then proceeded to make "spaghetti soup." They
stirred and stirred those red beads, telling us
how good their creation tasted. They offered to
let us sample it and of course we made a fuss
about how delicious it was.

I remembered how their mother used to love having
her own kitchen. We never had any money, so I
would take boxes and draw on them so they looked
like appliances. She could occupy herself for
hours in her little world. I told the kids about
how she loved to do that, and then went to find a
box for them. I drew burners on the top with a
thick magic marker and told them their stove was ready to
be used. I gave them hot pad holders and told them
to be careful they didn't get burned. Pretty
soon, one of them was cooking and the other one was
taking orders on a pad of paper. The cook would
then deliver the order to us. We laughed as she
held the plate up over her head like the waiters
in the restaurant do, and then watched her
bow down as she served us. We're not sure where
she picked that up, but it was just too cute.

This went on for probably two hours. We were
running out of ideas for things for them to cook.
I can't remember the last time I laughed for
two hours. It was better than going to a movie
and expecting to be entertained. Not only did we
have fun, but they did, too. There was no bickering
or fighting between them. They worked together and
were totally and completely happy. They went to bed
exhausted, and ate cereal on their magic stove the
next morning. When they went home later that day, I
flipped it over and returned it to its place in my
office to hold oversized envelopes. Maybe some day
we'll drag it out again. Who knows what we might
use it for next time!

The key to all of this was that we were giving
them our total attention. They didn't care that
the stove was nothing more than a cardboard box. It
didn't matter to them that it wasn't molded plastic
plastic with some popular name on it. They didn't need
water or anything messy to stir. They were creative
and used their imaginations to create a magical evening,
and as long as we reciprocated by complimenting their
efforts, they were in heaven.

Copyright 2005 by Joyce Moseley Pierce. Visit
www.emersonpublications.com to read more of
Joyce's stories, to subscribe to the Family First
newsletter, or to request information about working
at home. This site is dedicated to helping others create
family unity.

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