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Wise parents gently direct and encourage their children to develop their talents.At the same time they give them freedom to learn from their own mistakes. Wise parents gently direct and encourage their children to develop their talents. At the same time they give them freedom to learn from their own mistakes. The more sensible a child is, the more freedom of choice you allow him. We cannot always prevent our children from suffering the consequence of their actions. Strong willed children follow their desires into trouble. A wise parent offers guidance to his children and empowers them to make free choices. If they ignore the guidance, the loving parent supports them in whatever they decide to do. "A Little Light on the Spiritual Laws" Diana Cooper
When I read this I just could not help thinking about how this relates to coaching and more significantly, coaching teens. The first thing that strikes me is the fine balance between gently encouraging and freedom to learn. Where do we, as parents, denote the difference between encouraging and freedom? When can our encouraging become stifling to their freedom? As parents we need to ensure that encouraging our teen is all in service of them, what they want and not our agenda and that we give enough freedom without putting our teen in imminent danger. Perhaps the answer is, if we as parents develop ourselves and continue to meet all our needs outside the relationship with the teen, then we can lovingly sit back, allowing ourselves to separate facts and feelings and let go, knowing that our child will do what is best for them.
Also, how do we accept that strong willed children will follow their desires into trouble and may suffer the consequences? Perhaps we trust, perhaps we believe that parenting and adolescence is a life-long learning, we understand that the road to Mastery is through learning and learning comes almost exclusively from making mistakes. If we deprive our children of these mistakes then are we not stifling the learning process and therefore their Mastery of Life? And knowing this can we then not find it easy to support them in their choices, with the understanding that this is their life, their mistakes and their learning.
So take a look this month and see where you can give your teen more freedom of choice. Pick one thing and begin to let go, giving your teen more choice. Notice what comes up for you around this issue and deal with the feeling from that.
Remember, the choices your teen makes are theirs, not yours. Similarly, the consequence of each mistakes is their and not yours. So don't be to quick to jump in and save, instead offer support and gently encourage further learning.
About the Author
Sarah Newton founded Coaching 4 Teens in 2002. She quickly built a reputation for delivering quality coaching that produced quick results. She was among the first eight people to be trained in the Parent as Coach approach. To this approach Sarah brings her own experiences of working with teenagers for four years training them in such topics as crime, drugs, safety and citizenship.