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Advice on how to communicate with your family when you've lost your job. While you might feel like withdrawing from your family and friends when you've lost your job, don't. Communicating with them can help you immensely; they can be a powerful source of support for you during this stressful time.
If you are married or have a significant other, chances are that person wants to be helpful. She wants to see you stay positive and motivated. With all the best intentions, she basically may deny that anything has really changed by saying something like "Don't worry, Honey. You'll find a job right away!".
This stance in effect encourages you to go into a collusion of denial. You can't really talk about what's bothering you because this other person shushes your concerns and tells you not to think negatively. And it doesn't make you feel any better because you know darned well that you may not (and probably won't) find a job immediately.
You need to let this person know that you need her to "be there" for you in a different way than uttering words of empty encouragement. You need to be able to talk about your feelings—all of your feelings--including fear, anger, guilt or sadness.
Your mate or significant other needs to let you express your doubts, your irritations and your worries. You need that person to be your advocate, your cheerleader, your sounding board, but not to deny the reality of what you're going through. You need her help with objective problem solving, not Pollyanna euphemisms.
And what about your children? You and your spouse may be tempted to put forth a false front that nothing has changed with the thought that the truth would make your children fearful and anxious. Certainly you don't want to overwhelm them with intense negative emotion or indulge in catastrophic "what ifs".
But children have an uncanny radar that picks up on the emotional environment they are living in. Sensing that something is wrong, they can't be truly reassured when their parents are pretending that nothing has changed. They need parents who stay positive but yet tell them the truth without exaggerating or dramatizing. It's okay for children to know that money is tight, that the family has to cut back on expenses while Mom or Dad is looking for another job. Older youngsters can be told some of the details.
One of the most helpful things you can do is call a family meeting and matter-of-factly state that there is less money coming in now. Then ask the whole family to brainstorm some ways that expenses can be cut. You may be surprised that your children can be quite creative with this challenge.
They may offer to discontinue their allowance, they may make suggestions about family activities that cost no or little money, they may offer to clip grocery coupons from the newspaper, they may be willing to chip in and help with household and yard chores so you don't have to hire someone to do them. An older teen may opt to get a job to help out. Rather than feeling cut-off from their parents' concerns, youngsters gain a healthy sense of control by being able to contribute in some way.
They also learn an important lesson in how to deal with adversity. They see you modeling for them a healthy response to a life-stress that they may well face in their own futures.
And don't forget about your friends. It's helpful to have one or two people outside of your family that you can turn to when you're feeling down--someone who will remind you of your skills and talents and encourage you to hang in there.
About the Author
Dr. Judi Craig, MCC is an Executive/Career Coach & Clinical Psychologist. A nationally published author of four books and former syndicated columnist, she has now authored an ebook HELP! I LOST MY JOB!. For more information, please see http://www.lost-my-job.com or email judi@coachsquared.com.