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The human mind is an innovative hybrid that allows us to
anticipate the future - to think big thoughts. That's the
good news.
However a growing number of psychologists and behavioral
scientists are finding evidence that our brains are hard-
wired for mistakes in today social environment, especially
when it comes to assessing the personality and predicting
behavior of people we encounter.
Why are we so bad at reading the intentions of others?
Built on top of the older "emotional" parts of our mamallian
circuitry, there is a "rational" cerebral cortex. The two
are often at odds, and under the surface, our protective
instincts are always lurking. Unfortunately the "emotional"
circuitry frequently overwhelms the "rational" cortex. We
simply give more weight to elements in the personality of
people we encounter that supports our beloved preconceptions
than to any evidence to the contrary. Thus we frequently
completely miss the target and pay a price for our
misjudgments.
ARBITARY OBSESSIONS... The frontal lobes have fallen in love
with our preconceptions. This hard-wired programming
undercuts us in a host of sadly familiar ways. The most
common is how our preconceptions and prejudices distort
perception of individuals we wish to assess.
CONFIRMATION BIAS... It's our all too natural ability to
convince ourselves of whatever it is that we want to
believe. How? We simply give more weight to events that
support our desired prejudice or preconception than to any
evidence to the contrary.
PREPARATION MUST PRECEED OPPORTUNITY... Consider how many
great opportunities are lost by what I call "semantic
sabotage". If you've ever found yourself stumbling over your
words, or simply not knowing what to say next, you've
experienced "the dialog dilemma. Or if you've uttered a
statement, then realized that isn't exactly what you meant
to say. These are all curable maladies.
I 'LL BET YOUR'VE NEVER HAD THIS EXPERIENCE...
Someone introduces themselves to you. Then you tell them
your name. Suddenly you realize you can not recall their
name. Why does this happen so often? Simple, you didn't
forget their name - you never really heard it in the first
place! You still had yourself in the middle of the picture.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand -
they listen with the intent to reply or impress. This is
never successful because the mind does not have simultaneous
capability. Therefore, if you are contemplating your next
statement, you are not focusing on his words, tones and
actions.
In order to read a person like a book, you must get them to
open up, get them talking. Getting people to open up is a
skill that you can learn.
A skilled conversationalist uses specific question in three
different categories.
(1) Conversation starters.
(2) Personal questions.
(3) Philosophical questions).
Once you've mastered a small inventory of optional question
you can switch categories to control the outcome.
He who does not ask the right questions
always hears the wrong answers.
An unclear question
has an infinite number of possible answers.
Many say that information is the path to power. The
wealthiest people will tell you that it's their ability to
make wise choices in dealing with people that is their
greatest asset. And that when they did make mistakes, it was
often disastrous for them socially and financially.